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Judge
Rehnquist (Will Ferrell):
Senators, I'm getting tired
of these straight party-line
votes. We need to find something
to break this up. Did anybody see
the Superbowl?
Trent
Lott (Darrell Hammond): Uh,
Mr. Chief Justice? I saw the
Superbowl, and I particularly
loved that commercial with the
little mouse wearing glasses. I
mean, that was funny.
Tom
Daschle (Chris Kattan): I
thought it was ludicrous. Mice
don't wear goggles.
Judge
Rehnquist: We'll take a vote.
Who thinks mice wear goggles, say
Aye.
Republicans:
Aye!
Judge
Rehnquist: Those that think
they don't, say Nay.
Democrats:
Nay!
[
GRAPHIC: MICE WEAR GOGGLES,
AGREE: 56, DISAGREE, 44
]
Judge
Rehnquist: Apparently,
whether mice wear goggles is a
partisan issue. I give up. I
guess we have to agree to
disagree.
Republicans:
Aye!
Democrats:
Nay!
[
GRAPHIC: AGREE TO DISAGREE,
AGREE: 56, DISAGREE, 44
]
Judge
Rehnquist: How can you not
agree to disagree? That's it,
okay? We might as well order
lunch, because we're going to be
here all day.
Trent
Lott: Mr. Chief Justice? If I
may, I propose we get ourselves a
pizza.
Tom
Daschle: I say Chinese
food.
Judge
Rehnquist: How many for
pizza?
Republicans:
Aye!
Judge
Rehnquist: Chinese
food?
Democrats:
Aye!
[
GRAPHIC: LUNCH, PIZZA: 55,
CHINESE FOOD, 44
]
Judge
Rehnquist: It's 55 to 44.
Okay, who didn't vote?
Mary
Bono (Cheri Oteri): Ah, I
would like Falaffles.
Judge
Rehnquist: We aren't getting
Falaffles. It looks like pizza. I
hate to ask, but what toppings
are we getting on the
pizza?
Trent
Lott: [ jubilant ]
Pepperoni!
Tom
Daschle:
Mushrooms?
Mary
Bono: Ooh! Let's
vote!
Judge
Rehnquist: We're not going to
vote. 56% of the pizza will have
pepperoni, the other 44%,
mushroom.
Trent
Lott: Uh, Mr. Chief Justice?
I'd like to bring before the
Senate a vote on whether more
witnesses should be..
Judge
Rehnquist: [ banging
gavel ] We will not continue
with this impeachment hearing
until we can find some common
ground. I can't believe we can't
agree on anything. [
desperate ] Anybody have HBO?
Have you seen those interminable
promos for the "Tracey Ullman
Show"?
Tom
Daschle: Is that the one
where she's talking to her
kid?
Judge
Rehnquist: Yeah! Is it me, or
is that show overrated? All those
who agree, say Aye.
Everyone:
Aye!!
[
GRAPHIC: TRACEY ULLMAN SHOW
OVERRATED, AGREE: 100
]
Judge
Rehnquist: Finally! You all
agree. Good. That show blows
hard! [ anxious to continue
] Hey! Did you see on VH-1
that "Behind the Music" with Leif
Garrett? Was that so sad, it was
hilarious? All in favor, say
Aye.
Everyone:
Aye!!
[
GRAPHIC: LEIF GARRETT SO SAD
IT'S HILARIOUS, AGREE: 100
]
Judge
Rehnquist: We are on a roll
now, okay! That band N*Sync.
They're not that bad. In fact,
they're sexy. All those that
agree, say Aye.
[
silence amongst stunned
Republicans and Democrats
]
Trent
Lott: Mr. Chief Justice?
That's messed up.
Judge
Rehnquist: [ quickly
covering his tracks ] Those
guys aren't sexy. I was just
trying to see if I could get you
guys to say it. Okay, you know
what? Enough! [ bangs gavel
] Now that we've broken the
deadlock, back to the allowing of
video testimony. All those in
favor, say Aye..
[ fade to black ]
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