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George W. Bush on Weekend Update

Colin Quinn: Joining us now to discuss his autobiography, Republican Presidential candidate George W. Bush.

George W. Bush (Will Ferrell): Thank you,.. uh.. don't tell me.

Colin Quinn: Colin.

George W. Bush: I said not to tell me, dammit! Colin! Alright. I knew that.

Colin Quinn: Now, Governor Bush, first off, how do you have time to write a book while your governor of Texas and a full-time presidential candidate?

George W. Bush: Well, Col, I only sleep about 45 minutes a night. Plus, the book itself only took two days to write.

Colin Quinn: Two days? The book is over 250 pages.

George W. Bush: I was a little wired that week! I've been doing some partying.

Colin Quinn: I see. So, tell us about the book.

George W. Bush: Well, it's selling in bookstores for $23, but it has a street value of $65. It's an in-depth exploration of my entire life, except for some minor details, like what I did in the 70's and the early 80's.

Colin Quinn: Well, what did you do in those days?

George W. Bush: [ worried ] Who wants to know? Did someone ask you to ask that?

Colin Quinn: No.

George W. Bush: Okay, Colin, I trust you. You know, you'd have to tell me if you were a cop, right? Yeah! Man! It is hot in here! [ starts taking off his jacket ] Do you mind?

Colin Quinn: No, go ahead..

George W. Bush: [ loosens his tie and removes his shirt ] I'm sweating up a storm in here. Whoo! My heart is racing! Hey, is it cool if I do a couple of lines?

Colin Quinn: What?!

George W. Bush: A couple lines of my book! Of my book!

Colin Quinn: Sure, go ahead. [ Bush opens his book and sniffs the pages ] What are you doing?

George W. Bush: God, I love that new book smell!

Colin Quinn: Put that away! George Bush, everybody.

George W. Bush: [ worried ] My Dad's here?

Colin Quinn: No, that's you. Governor George Bush.

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