|
Frank
Henderson (Will Ferrell):
Hey, there! How you
doing?
Tom
Taylor (David Koechner): Hi,
you must be Frank
Henderson!
Frank
Henderson: I sure am! I don't
know that we've met
before?
Tom
Taylor: I'm Tom Taylor. I'm
Tom's brother. This is my wife,
Susan.
Frank
Henderson: Oh, that's right,
the Taylors! I guess someone
forgot to take their Stupid Pills
this morning! [ they all
laugh politely ] Hey, honey,
the Taylors are here, we can
start the party!
Susan
Taylor (Nancy Walls): Oh,
that's sweet. Hey, is John here
yet?
Frank
Henderson: Well, speak of the
Devil - your brother just called,
and he and Sally are stuck in
traffic. So, he'll be about a
half-hour late. [ looking
offscreen ] Hey, Brandon?
Michael? I need you guys to do me
a favor and get off the shed.
Need you to be a buddy and get
off the shed. Okay? Thanks. [
back to his guests ] I hope
you two are hungry, we've got a
ton of food here.
Tom
Taylor: I am absolutely
famished. We just finished 28th
and Pebblebrook, and I tell you,
I could eat a cow! Mmm
mmm!
Shirley
Henderson (Mariel
Hemmingway): [ joining
the party ] Would you like
some potato salad with that cow
of yours? [ everyone laughs
] Hi, I'm Shirley.
Tom
Taylor: Hi, I'm Tom Taylor.
This is my wife,
Susan.
Susan
Taylor: Thank you so much for
having us over!
Frank
Henderson: Well, we've heard
so much about you two.. [
looking offscreen ] Hey,
guys? I mean it. Let's get off
the shed.
Shirley
Henderson: Can I get you a
glass of Chardonney?
Tom
Taylor: Oh.. yeah!
Susan
Taylor: That would be
lovely!
Shirley
Henderson: Okay, you just
make yourselves comfortable, and
I'll be right back. [ exits
the patio ]
Frank
Henderson: You know, you and
Susan should really join us for a
round of golf
sometime.
Tom
Taylor: You know what? We're
just nuts about the game, we'd
love to. But I gotta warn you -
Susan's a scratch
golfer.
Susan
Taylor: [ laughing ]
Well, you know, I've been playing
forever. Actually, this is a cute
story - we met on a golf course
in Scotland..
Frank
Henderson: [ yelling
offscreen ] Get off the shed!
[ back to his guests ]
How about next Sunday?
Pebblebrook? Twelve o'clock
tee-off time, what do you
say?
Tom
Taylor: [ slightly
stunned ] Sounds
good.
Susan
Taylor: Yeah.. uh.. maybe we
can get John and Sally out to the
game.
Frank
Henderson: Oh, boy, I don't
know about John. I mean, he's a
great guy and everything.. but as
far as golf goes, let's just say
he's spent a little too much
money on those clubs of his.
[ turning offscreen ] Get
off the damn shed! [
returning to his guests ] I
just bought a new McGregor 3
Wood, and I'll tell you, that
thing is smooth! Drives just like
a Cadillac.
Shirley
Henderson: [ rejoining
the party ] Believe me, I'd
rather drive the Cadillac! [
everyone laughs ]
Tom
Taylor: Uh.. great
landscaping job, did you do that
yourself?
Frank
Henderson: You bet. [
turning offscreen again ]
Hey! There's gonna be a meeting
between your ass and the palm of
my hand, if you don't get off the
shed! Now, GET OFF THE SHED!!
[ turning to his guests ]
What do you think of the
fountain? Do you like
that?
[
the Taylors are aghast at Frank's
behavior toward his children
]
Susan
Taylor: Oh.. it's a great
fountain..
Tom
Taylor: Yeah, it's a
dandy..
Susan
Taylor: Love it..
Tom
Taylor: Whoo.. what time did
you say that John was gonna drop
by..?
Shirley
Henderson: Oh gosh, I forgot
to tell you - that he called and
said that he can't come, and to
just go ahead and eat, but he'll
be here for dessert and
coffee.
Frank
Henderson: Why didn't he just
say he doesn't like my burgers?
[ faces offscreen again ]
I will punch you in the face if
you don't get off the shed! Now,
get off the shed! GET OFF THE
SHED!! GET OFF THE DAMN
SHED!!
Shirley
Henderson: Hey, honey, those
look about done..
Frank
Henderson: They sure do..
Chow-time just moments
away!
Susan
Taylor: [ struggling to
leave the scene ] You know
what? I.. I am not feeling well..
uh.. we might need to take a
raincheck..
Shirley
Henderson: Oh, you just need
your drinks freshened. [
grabs their glasses ] I'll be
right back. [ exits the patio
]
Frank
Henderson: Okay, the burger
train just pulled into bun
station. Look at these babies..
[ glances offscreen, hands
his spatula to Tom ] Excuse
me, can you hold onto that for a
second? [ yelling offscreen
] Okay.. so you've been
showing off for the Taylors, huh?
Well, I'm gonna put on a little
show of my own! I'm gonna give
you the beating of a lifetime in
front of these people! Are you
happy now? [ stomps offstage
]
The
Taylors: [ yelling
fearfully ] Get off the shed!
Please get off the shed!
Please!
Frank
Henderson: [ returning
] They got off the shed!
Thank you, I appreciate
that..
[
Tom and Susan sigh, relieved that
the boys were not beaten by their
father ]
Shirley
Henderson: [ hands
everyone their burgers ] Here
you go..
Susan
Taylor: Thank you.
Shirley
Henderson: [ glances
offscreen ] Hey, Brandon?
Michael? I need you to do me a
favor and get out of the
fountain. I need you to be a
buddy and get out of the
fountain..
|
