Space: The Infinate Frontier

ANNOUNCER: From the outermost reaches of the universe to the innermost planets of our solar system - This is Space: The Infinite Frontier. With your host, Chicago Cubs' broadcaster, Harry Caray.

HC: Hi everybody! Harry Caray here. And welcome to Space: The Infinite Frontier. We've got a great show lined up for ya'. Joining us in the studio today is U.S. astronaut, Ronald Culbertson. Welcome to the show Ronald.

R: Well, thank you Harry. It's a pleasure to be here.

HC: Now, Ronald, you've just returned from the troubled Russian space station Mier. What's goin' on up there?

R: Well, Harry, the first thing you have to understand is that the Mier space station is eleven years old and was only designed to-

HC: Now, Ronald, it must be fun dressing up like an astronaut: the helmet, the boots,....the ray gun.

R: Ray gun? (puzzled)

HC: It's good to indulge your inner child, cuz' without that you got nothin'.

R: Harry, I'm a real astronaut. I don't just play "dress-up."

HC: Don't be ashamed Ronald. Hell, last Halloween I dressed up like one of those Frankenstein monsters. Bolts in the neck....the whole nine yards.

R: Well,...that must have been fun for you.

HC: The effect was positively eerie. Really scared some folks. In fact, a buddy of mine died of a heart attack when he saw me.

R: I'm sorry to hear that.

HC: Yeah. So, technically, I'm a murderer.

(Uncomfortable pause. Ronald is searching for words.)

HC: Hey Ronald! Ya' ever been sucked into a black hole?

R: No...

HC: I have. It's an area of infinite gravity and density from which not even light can escape. It's called,'A Weekend at My Mother-in-Law's.'

R: That's very funny, Harry.

HC: Hey, don't raise your voice at me!

R: I...I didn't.

HC: Well, just don't do it.

(Another uncomfortable pause.)

HC: Hey Ronald! Did ya' hear they cloned a sheep?

R: Yes, I did.

HC: Hey! What if they cloned a dinosaur?...Would ya' eat it?

R: You know, I haven't really given it much thought.

HC: I know I would. Char broiled dinosaur covered in gravy. Side of curly fries. I bet they'd call it the Dinosaur Special.

R: Yes, I guess they would.

HC: So how 'bout it Ronald? Would you eat a dinosaur?

R: What...What does this have to do with-

HC: Hey, don't jerk me around Ronald! It's a simple question: Would you eat a dinosaur?

R: I guess I would.

HC: I think you've made a wise choice. Boy, I wish those scientists would hurry up. I'm gettin' hungry.

R: Well, Harry, I'm sure that kind of cloning is a long way off.

HC: I hope so, cuz' when they start cloning humans...Sure it would be good for the species, but emotionally, we'd all be dead!

(Ronald is looking very perplexed.)

HC: Well, that's all the time we have. Before we leave, one important program note: Next week we'll be broadcasting from the center of the Sun.

(Stage hand leans in and whispers in Harry's ear.)

HC: Oh, thanks Pete. Apparently, the center of the Sun is eight billion degrees. You probably knew that, Ronald.

R: Yes. I did.

HC: So I guess we'll stay right here. That's kind of a relief. See ya' next time! Cubs win! Cubs win!