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Death
hasn't stopped former Cubs
broadcaster Harry Carey (Will
Ferrell) from hosting "Space: The
Infinite Frontier". His guest is
Linda Ham (Allen), the flight
director for John Glenn's return
to space:
Harry:
Now, tell us: what was it like
working with an American legend
like John Glenn?
Linda
Ham: Well.. Senator Glenn
was, um.. [ pause ] ..an
inspiration.. I.. I'm sorry..
Please, please forgive me for
asking this, but didn't you
die?
Harry:
Yes, I did. What's your
point?
Linda
Ham: Uh.. oh..
nothing..
Harry:
Good. Hey! So they shot the
shuttle Discovery up into
space!
Linda
Ham: Yes.
Harry:
Is that thing ever coming
back?
Linda
Ham: Uh, it landed a week
ago.
Harry:
How many survivors?
Linda
Ham: Everyone survived,
Harry.
Harry:
Oh. That's a relief. [ long
pause ] Hey, Linda! What was
it like inventing the space
shuttle?
Linda
Ham: Uh.. I didn't invent the
shuttle.
Harry:
Well, I wonder, whoever did, made
a lot of money! And then, I bet
he tried to invent something
else. But it wasn't as good. Life
can sometimes turn your greatest
successes into your most crushing
defeats!
Linda
Ham: [ not sure how to
respond ] Yeah.. I guess
that's right..
Harry:
Linda Ham! Linda Ham! Linda Ham!
Does your name ever make you
hungry?
Linda
Ham: No. No.
Harry:
Well, it makes me hungry! One
time, I named a sandwich "Linda".
It was a beautiful sandwich! And
guess what kind of sandwich it
was.
Linda
Ham: I don't know.
Ham?
Harry:
I guess. I don't know. Hey,
Linda! When are we finally going
to get over to Mars?
Linda
Ham: Well, there is a manned
expedition being
discussed..
Harry:
No! I mean you and me! We
could make an evening of it.
We'll head over to Mars, and I'll
bring my sandwich "Linda". And we
can make sloppy Martian love in
the back of my dunebuggy. So,
what do you say? Is it a date?
It's a simple question: Do you
want to go to Mars with a dead
guy and a sandwich? Yes or
no?
Linda
Ham: Uh.. no..
Harry:
Yeah, you're right.. it
probably wouldn't work out. But
it doesn't hurt to be a dreamer!
If we didn't dream, we wouldn't
have the space
shuttle.
Linda
Ham: That's right, Harry.
That's a very good
point.
Harry:
Also, if we didn't dream, our
brains would devour themselves,
in madness and paranoia. The Viet
Cong knew that. That's why they
used sleep deprivation as a form
of torture! [ long drawn-out
pause ] Anyway, that's all
the time we have! Hey! Join us
next week at nine o'clock Eastern
time, and watch me eat an entire
planet!
[
stagehand whispers in Harry's ear
] Oh! Thanks, Pete! That's
actually eight o'clock Eastern
time. I'm still going to eat a
planet! See you then! Cubs win!
Cubs win!
[
fade out ]
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