Harry Caray on Weekend Update (1-10-98)

Colin Quinn: And now, with a look back at 1997, is our good friend, Hall-of-Fame broadcaster Harry Caray.

Harry Caray: Hey, everybody, Harry Caray here!
Well, as you know, 1997 was quite a year! A lot of things happened - some good, some bad.
Mother Theresa died. That wasn't good. Unless you hated Mother Theresa. I myself was not a fan of hers - don't ask why! We were just like oil and water - we didn't mix.
In the world of sports, Mike Tyson bit a man's ear off! I don't know what all the hoopla was about! I also bit a man's ear off on several occasions, and I'm not proud of it, but it helped me out of many a jam!
In Scotland, they cloned a sheep, which a lot of people thought was fun! Hey, what if..? Hey! Hey, if I was a scientist, you know what I'd clone? Hot dogs!

Colin Quinn: [ not surprised ] Really?

Harry Caray: Think of all the possibilities, Norm! Imagine a world with an endless supply of hot dogs! You could have a hot dog anytime you want!

Colin Quinn: Well, Harry, you can do that pretty much now.

Harry Caray: Hey, Norm! Did you gain weight?

Colin Quinn: Actually, Harry, I'm Colin.

Harry Caray: Hey! If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?

Colin Quinn: What?

Harry Caray: I know I would! First, I would smother myself with brown mustard and relish.. I'd be so delicious! [ thrilled with himself ] So, would you?

Colin Quinn: I don't know..

Harry Caray: Don't jerk me around, Norm! It's a simple question! A baby could answer it! If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?

Colin Quinn: [ complying ] I guess so.

Harry Caray: Oh, you made a wise choice, my friend! If you had said no, I would have bitten your ear off!

Colin Quinn: So, did anything else happen in 1997?

Harry Caray: No, I covered everything!

Colin Quinn: Harry Caray, everybody.

Harry Caray: Cubs win! Cubs win!

Colin Quinn: I'm Colin Quinn. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!