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James
Lipton (Will Ferrell): Every
once in a while, an actor graces
the stage, who's truly an icon of
the American cinema. One such
actor is with us today. Please
join me in welcoming Mr. Clint
Eastwood. [ Clint takes the
stage ] Actor. Director.
Writer. Producer, Composer,
Mayor. Which hat fits
best?
Clint
Eastwood (Norm MacDonald):
Well, I'm really not much of
a hat person, but I guess I'd
have to say that of a director.
During the filming of "The
Unforgiven", why I..
James
Lipton: [ interrupting
] Clint, you grew up.. in
Depression-era California, where
your parents were iterrant worker
After high school, he worked as a
lumberjack, played honky-tonk
piano, and was a swimming
instructor in the U.S. Army. How
did this shape you as an
actor?
Clint
Eastwood: Well, uh, I believe
the army gave me discipline as an
actor. Now, when you're out in
the field..
James
Lipton: [ interrupting
] In 1966.. a film was
released, here in America, that
would change your life: "Il
Buono, Il Brutto, Il Cattivo" Or,
as American audiences would come
to know it - "The Good, The Bad,
& The Ugly". Which, if you
haven't seen.. [ whispers
] ..marvelous! A film that in
most people's minds says, "This..
is.. Clint Eastwood.
Clint
Eastwood: Well.. uh.. that's
an interesting story. Now, I've
got a.. I've got an interesting
story for you, Lipton.
James
Lipton: I'm sure our students
would love to hear it.
Clint
Eastwood: Well.. it's about a
fella with a.. neatly-trimmed
beard. A fella, not unlike
yourself. Well, this fella.. he
liked pokin' his nose where it
didn't rightly belong. Well, that
fella woke up one morning and he
noticed that his face was a
little sore. That's because while
he was sleepin', why someone had
kicked most of his teeth in. Now,
what do you make o' that
story?
James
Lipton: [ laughs ]
Delightful! [ grabs his next
card ] Every once in a while,
an actor creates a role that
touches us in such a way, God
himself says, "Bravo!" That role,
for me, was that of Hogan in "Two
Mules for Sister Sara". In my
opinion, one of the greatest
roles ever to be captured on
film.
Clint
Eastwood: Well, that's a hell
of an opinion, and I've got an
opinion of my own. You really
like the sound o' your own voice,
don't ya?
James
Lipton: A reference to me.
And now it's time for the dreaded
questions. [ giggles ]
Let's start with: What is your
least favorite word?
Clint
Eastwood: Neatly-trimmed
beard.
James
Lipton: What's your favorite
curse word?
Clint
Eastwood: Well that'd have to
be you.
James
Lipton: And, finally, if
heaven exists, what would you
like to hear God say when you
arrive?
Clint
Eastwood: Well, I'd like to
hear him say, as he doffed his
cap to me, "Well, Clint, James
Lipton is in Hell right now,
being raped by the Devil." I
believe that would hit my ear
just fine.
James
Lipton: Clint Eastwood, on
behalf of the Actor's Studio, and
the students before us, I thank
you. Any final words?
Clint
Eastwood: Well, Sir.. I have
met some goddamned dirty sons of
bitches in my time, and I have
met some dirty goddamned sons of
bitches. But, you Sir, are,
without a doubt, the goddamnedest
dirtiest son of a bitch I have
ever met.
James
Lipton: Eloquently put!
Ladies and gentlemen, Clint
Eastwood.
[
fade to black ]
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