|
 ALAN
GUIDAN
From
a special news
report:
Newscaster:
Hello again. An unexpected
twist in the apparent auto-erotic
suicide of Wally Kemp. Police now
believe that "Cuddly Kevvy" was,
in fact, murdered by these men:
William Saurus and Alan Guidan,
known to children everywhere as
"Teddy Tickles" and "Harry Hugs"
from the "Happy Smile
Patrol."
Saurus
is also known for murdering a
federal judge and for going to
the top of candy cane mountain in
a balloon powered by
happiness.
Saurus
and Guidan are leaders of a group
called the "Eagle of Christ,"
which has been linked to a recent
spate of hospital bombings. The
two are currently hiding in the
Black Hills using bear traps and
brush fires to hold off police
and the National
Guard.
More,
as events unfold.
We now
return you, unfortunately, to the
"Happy Smile Patrol."
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